What to Teach Your Kids: The Combined List

Schools teach kids to pass tests. Parents are supposed to teach them everything else. Most of us don't, mainly because nobody wrote down what "everything else" is.

John LeFevre took two runs at it on X. The first, in July 2024, began "Teach your kids to:" and ran 18 items. The second, in November 2024, began "The patriarchy is back...." and was written for sons, with 29 items. Some skills appear on both. A lot don't.

We've merged them into one list, sorted by theme, with every item worded exactly as John wrote it. Items from the July list are marked (Jul), items from the November list are marked (Nov), and items that appear on both are marked (both). The notes in between are ours.

Skills that keep you alive and moving

• start a fire (Jul) / Chop wood and make a fire (Nov)
• Change a tire (both)
• navigate directions without GPS (Jul)
• memorize phone numbers (Jul)
• Catch and clean a fish (Nov)
• tend a garden (Jul)
• Get his hands dirty (Nov)

None of these require money. All of them require a parent with a free Saturday. That's the point. A kid who can start a fire, change a tire and get home without a phone is a kid who doesn't panic when things break, and things always break.

The phone number item looks quaint until a phone dies. The GPS item matters more than it seems. Knowing where you are, without a blue dot, is a habit of paying attention, and attention is the skill under all the others.

Safety and self-defense

• operate a firearm competently and safely (both)
• gain proficiency in personal self-defense (Jul)
• Defend himself and the people he loves (Nov)
• Stand up to bully (Nov)

The operative words are "competently and safely." The goal is not to raise a tough guy. It's to raise someone who isn't afraid, because fear is what makes people dangerous to themselves and others. A kid who knows he can handle himself rarely has to prove it. As one of John's rules for being a man says, stand up to bullies; you'll only have to do it once.

Body and health

• wake up early every day (Jul) / Wake up early naturally (Nov)
• Develop habits of health and fitness (Nov)
• master a hobby and sport that will last a lifetime (Jul) / Master hobbies and sports that last a lifetime (Nov)
• Throw a baseball/football (Nov)
• cook and eat without seed oils, refined sugar, and sodium nitrites (Jul) / Cook (Nov)

Note "naturally" in the November version. An alarm can get a kid out of bed. A habit means he doesn't need one. The same goes for fitness. Kids who grow up moving don't have to start from zero at 35.

"A hobby and sport that will last a lifetime" is the most underrated item on either list. Team sports end with school for most people. Fly fishing, golf, tennis, hunting and swimming don't. Teach one early and you've given your kid something to do with his weekends at 60.

Cooking appears on both lists for a reason. A person who can cook is never at the mercy of a menu, and eats better for less.

Life outside the screen

• live outside of social media (both)
• read for fun (Jul) / Read for pleasure (Nov)
• play backgammon (Jul)
• take care of a pet (Jul)
• Find peace in solitude (Nov)

"Live outside of social media" is on both lists, and it may be the hardest item here, because it means the parent has to do it first. Kids copy what you do, not what you say.

Reading for fun is how a child becomes an adult who reads. Assigned reading rarely does it. Pick books they actually want, let them quit the ones they don't, and keep books in the house.

Backgammon is a quiet favorite. It teaches odds, patience and how to lose without sulking, and it's a game a kid can play with his grandfather. A classic backgammon set is all it takes.

"Find peace in solitude" might be the most valuable line for this generation. A kid who can sit alone without a screen and not feel anxious has a skill most adults have lost.

Money and risk

• manage money (“spend less than you make”, the power of compounding, equity markets, etc.) (Jul) / Manage his finances (Nov)
• Take risk (Nov)

These two belong together. "Spend less than you make" is the floor. "Take risk" is the ceiling. Teach a kid only the first and he'll be safe and small. Teach him only the second and he'll be broke. Teach both and he understands the whole game: save steadily, then bet on yourself.

Compounding is the easiest concept on the list to teach and the one most adults wish they'd learned earlier. Open an account with a kid, put in a little, and let him watch it grow.

Family and friends

• nurture a small circle of very close friends (both)
• never publicly take sides against the family (both)
• Revere and protect women (Nov)

Two items appear on both lists word for word, and they are both about loyalty. Keep a few real friends. Don't air family business in public. Disagree at home, stand together outside.

"Revere and protect women" is the line that opens the November list, right after "The patriarchy is back...." It's deliberately old-fashioned, and that's the point.

Manners and character

• Tie a tie (Nov)
• Shake hands with a firm grip and eye contact (Nov)
• Tell a story and give a speech (Nov)
• Listen without giving unsolicited advice (Nov)
• Treat everyone equally (Nov)
• Smile at the world (Nov)

These are first-impression skills, and first impressions are most of what a young man has going for him. A firm handshake, eye contact, a properly tied tie and the ability to stand up and say a few clear sentences put a 17-year-old ahead of most 30-year-olds.

"Listen without giving unsolicited advice" is the one many adults never learn. It's also the one that makes people trust you.

Resilience

• ignore the boos (both)
• Never wallow (Nov)
• Get back up when he falls down (Nov)

The list ends where every good upbringing should: what to do when it goes wrong. Ignore the critics. Don't feel sorry for yourself. Get up. "Ignore the boos" is on both lists, and it shows up in How To Be A Man and Things I've Learned too.

And one more thing

The July list closes with a line that's worth giving its own space:

And when your kids turn 18, they should spend a summer working as a bartender…

It's the same idea John expanded on in Advice for my 16-year-old self: wait tables at 16, tend bar at 18, and learn more about people than any classroom will teach you.

The short version

Teach them to fix things, feed themselves and look after their bodies. Teach them to read, to stay off their phones and to be comfortable alone. Teach them to handle money and take a risk. Teach them to keep their friends close, their family business private and their handshake firm. Then teach them to get back up.

Sources: John LeFevre on X, July 31, 2024 and November 17, 2024.