Advice For My Daughter

Every father thinks about this list. Very few write it down, and fewer still publish it, because the honest version is guaranteed to make somebody angry.

John LeFevre wrote his in 2015, on Medium, under the title 25 Realistic Things I Want My Daughter to Know. The reason, he explained, was a question he kept getting after writing a book about Wall Street excess: "What are you going to say to you daughter?" He republished the list on the original Graze in March 2023 with a few small edits, under a subtitle that told you what you were in for: "25 lessons the woke world is afraid to say out loud."

Below is the 2023 version, word for word, followed by his 2026 companion list for the other side of the equation: the boys. Everything in bold is John's. The commentary is ours.

Why he wrote it

Since I wrote a book about deviance and debauchery on Wall Street that included anecdotes about the celebrated misogyny and objectification of women in the workplace, I get snidely asked all the time, “What are you going to say to you daughter?”

So now that I have a daughter, here’s my advice for her as she grows up:

How to carry yourself

1. Stand up straight.

3. Your physical appearance matters. That’s the world we live in, and it’s also how we’re wired.

4. Inner beauty — intelligence, personality, confidence, and a sense of humor — becomes more important as you get older. Wits never sag.

5. Know that you are more beautiful than you will ever give yourself credit for.

7. Take good care of your skin.

8. Don’t worry about dieting. Eat healthy, exercise, drink in moderation, and everything will fall into place.

14. Just because you can fit into that tiny dress doesn’t mean you should wear it.

The list opens with posture, which is the right place to start. Standing up straight is the cheapest confidence there is, and it's the first thing anyone notices.

The appearance rules are the ones people argue about, and they're written to be argued with. But read them together. Appearance matters. Inner beauty matters more over time. You're more beautiful than you think. Don't obsess over diets. That isn't a father telling his daughter to be vain. It's a father telling her how the world works, and then telling her not to let it get to her.

Safety, and the truth about boys

6. It’s my job to keep you safe. That’s why it’s also my job to teach you how to use a gun.

11. It’s safe to assume that almost every man you meet will want to sleep with you.

22. Don’t try to party like one of the guys. You won’t metabolize alcohol at the same rate, and that’s how bad things can happen.

24. Just because your brother might go on spring break with his friends doesn’t mean you can. (See #6, #9, #11, #22)

15. Don’t sleep around.

This is the protective father section, and there's no pretending otherwise. The gun rule frames it: keeping her safe is his job, and teaching her to protect herself is part of that job.

The line about almost every man wanting to sleep with her is the bluntest one on the list. It is also the one most fathers believe and never say. The spring break rule even cross-references the others, which is how you know it was written by a dad.

Men and women

9. Gender is not a social construct. Embrace the differences between men and women.

2. Know how to change a tire, but whenever possible, let a man to do it for you.

13. Let him pay for dinner most of the time.

20. You have all the power over boys. Let them cherish and revere you.

16. Play sports. You’ll probably run, throw, and fight like a girl, but that’s magnificent.

These are the rules that got the subtitle. They say men and women are different and that the differences are worth embracing rather than erasing. Let a man change the tire, but know how. Let him pay, most of the time. Play sports, and don't apologize for how you play them.

"You have all the power over boys" is the most optimistic line on the list. It isn't telling a girl to be careful of boys. It's telling her she holds the cards.

What matters in the long run

10. Read more. It allows you to borrow someone else’s brain.

17. Money is important. It won’t make you happy, but it solves many of the problems that will make you unhappy.

19. If you are blessed with the gift of being able to create and shape a life, embrace it. You’ll probably find it more rewarding than any career, but you can still have both.

23. Success is doing whatever it is that you love, and doing it well. But… (See #17)

12. If anyone says its okay to be fat, they’re lying to you.

18. You will most likely regret getting a tattoo.

The money rule here is one of the best on any of John's lists: money won't make you happy, but it solves many of the problems that will. And the line about motherhood was softened from 2015 to 2023 with a new ending, "but you can still have both." It's the one edit that shows how a father's thinking evolves as his daughter grows.

The last word

21. Ignore the boos; they usually come from the cheap seats.

25. Finally, remember that rules are for the obedience of fools and the guidance of a smart, strong woman.

Rule 25 is the same line that closes 99 Rules To Live By, with one change. "Wise men" became "a smart, strong woman." That one edit says more about the whole list than any commentary could.

And for the boys: requirements to date my daughter

In August 2026, John posted the other half on X: Requirements to date my daughter. It's a list for any young man who shows up at the door.

1. Spiral a football or swing a golf club proficiently

2. Tie a proper tie knot and take your hat off indoors

3. Change a tire, jump a battery, and back up a trailer without a YouTube tutorial

4. Have a job even if your parents are rich

5. Know how to shuffle a deck of cards

6. Pay for the first few dates with zero expectations

7. Have a passport with stamps from places that aren’t Spring Break destinations

8. Have conservative values - the quiet kind, not the debate club kind

9. Reference actual books, not just podcast soundbites

10. Have a firm handshake, confident eye contact, and shoes off at the door

11. Show up on time - i.e. five minutes early

12. Dress like you intended to leave the house/gym

13. Have mastery of at least one skill or hobby. Passion is contagious

14. Know when to put your phone away, especially when talking to me

15. Laugh at yourself, and listen more than you talk

Read the two lists together and they describe the same thing from two sides. The daughter's list says: know your worth. The boy's list says: be worth it. Show up early, dress like you meant to, pay for dinner without expectations, put your phone away, have a job, have a skill, have read a book.

None of it is about money or status. Nearly all of it is about effort. That's what a father is really asking for.

The short version

Stand up straight, read, take care of yourself and know what you're worth. Expect a man to show up on time, pay for dinner and take his hat off indoors. And remember that the rules are a guide, not a cage, for a smart, strong woman.

Sources: John LeFevre, 25 Realistic Things I Want My Daughter to Know, Medium, October 24, 2015; Advice For My Daughter, The Graze, March 8, 2023; Requirements to date my daughter, X, August 10, 2026.