50 Things Every Man Should Do Once

Most bucket lists are written by people who want to look interesting on Instagram. This one starts by tearing them up.

John LeFevre published 50 Things Every Man Should Do Once on Medium in June 2018 and republished it on the original Graze in March 2023, with a few small edits. It opens like this:

Bucket lists are usually dumb. They vacillate between the obvious and the pretentious. The mile high club is gross. Burning Man is stupid. Mardi Gras is overrated. Growing a beard takes no effort. I have no interest to run with bulls or climb a mountain. And if I got into a fight, I’d probably lose.

But having spent the better part of my life as a gadabout, here are the things I think every man should do at least once.

Below are all 50, word for word from the 2023 version, with John's numbering. We've grouped them by theme and added notes on why they belong. Everything in the numbered lines is John's.

Test your body

1. Get in great shape. Don’t talk about it.

5. Swim naked, preferably not alone.

12. Gallop on a horse.

13. Shoot a machine gun.

22. Race a car on a track.

23. Surf.

27. Go SCUBA diving.

39. Sail on the open ocean.

The first item sets the tone for the whole list: get in great shape, and don't talk about it. Most of what follows is the same idea. Do the thing. Skip the announcement.

Notice what's not here. No marathons, no Everest, no Ironman. These are experiences that make you feel alive, not ones that make a good caption. Galloping on a horse, racing a car on a track, sailing on the open ocean. Each one involves a little fear and a lot of fun.

Go somewhere

8. Get drunk in Rangoon, Kashgar, Zanzibar, Kyoto, and Nashville.

16. Live in a foreign country.

36. Go drinking in Pat Pong (Bangkok). Don’t get blackout drunk. Trust me.

42. Vacation alone.

44. Take a spontaneous international flight. Buy clothes when you get there.

46. Spend some time in a third world country. Remember, that’s how most people live out the entirety of their short lives.

The travel items are the most specific on the list. Not "see Paris," but Rangoon, Kashgar, Zanzibar, Kyoto and Nashville. It's an odd mix on purpose. A list like this tells you its author has been somewhere.

The best of these is number 44. A spontaneous international flight with no luggage is a small act of freedom that most men never take. And number 46 is the one that changes how you see everything else on the list.

Work and money

3. Work as a bartender.

4. Reward yourself for a big accomplishment with a big present like a sports car or a nice watch.

6. Hire someone.

7. Fire someone.

17. Take a big investment risk or start a company.

24. Help design and build your dream house.

30. Tip big enough to make the server’s month.

40. Buy the bar a round.

Hiring and firing someone are on here back to back for a reason. Both teach you responsibility for someone else's livelihood, and firing someone, done right, teaches you more about yourself than almost anything else at work.

Working as a bartender also shows up in his advice to his 16-year-old self and his list of what to teach your kids. Here it sits next to rewards and big risks. Earn it, spend some of it on something that marks the moment, and then bet on yourself.

Family and friends

9. Adopt a pet.

10. Buy a veteran a beer.

14. Tell one of your best friends that his fiancée is not the right one.

26. Have kids.

31. Take a trip with your dad.

34. Accompany a close friend to chemotherapy.

35. Teach your son the correct way to throw a baseball and a spiral.

48. Coach your kid’s sports team.

This is the heart of the list. Have kids. Coach their team. Teach your son to throw a spiral. Take a trip with your dad. Sit with a friend through chemotherapy.

Number 14 is the hardest one on the list. Telling a friend his fiancée is wrong for him might cost you the friendship. It's on here because a real friend says it anyway.

Nerve

15. Stand up to a bully.

18. Try cocaine, ayahuasca, and psilocybin.

19. Tell your partner what your bedroom fantasies really are.

25. Lie when the truth is easier.

29. Call someone you’ve wronged in the past. Apologize.

37. Spend a night in jail. Get the case dismissed.

38. Make an enemy for life.

This group is the provocative one, and some of it is meant to be. These items are about a man who has lived a full life, not a careful one, and has the stories to show for it. We're not going to tell you to do all of them. The list is John's, and so is the advice.

The one we'd single out is number 29: call someone you've wronged and apologize. It's free, it's hard and it is almost always worth it.

Big occasions and good company

2. Cook a gourmet meal for a group of close friends.

11. Read The Brothers Karamazov and Don Quixote.

20. Buy a tuxedo before you are 30. Stay that size.

21. Go to the Kentucky Derby, The Masters, Super Bowl, World Cup or whatever your equivalent is.

28. Sit front row, courtside, ringside, on the fifty, behind the dugout, or backstage. Don’t Instagram it.

32. Shake hands with the President.

33. Lose your voice cheering for your favorite sports team, but don’t spend your life living vicariously through their successes and failures.

43. Join an adult sports league (not a fantasy league).

Read the two books in number 11 and you've covered a lot of the Western canon's thinking about faith, family, foolishness and honor. The Brothers Karamazov and Don Quixote are both long. Both are worth it.

Number 28 is a good rule for every big event: sit somewhere great, and don't post it. The moment is for you, not your followers. And number 33 gained a new clause in 2023, which is the right one: cheer, but don't live through a team.

Get outside and get your hands dirty

41. Cut down a tree. With an axe.

45. Learn how to fly fish. It’s cheaper than a therapist.

47. Sleep under the stars. On purpose. Preferably by a fire.

49. Spend a day outside, working with a shovel, in the searing heat.

The quietest items on the list are the most restorative. Cutting down a tree, fly fishing, sleeping by a fire, a day of hard work with a shovel. These are versions of an idea John has repeated for years: manual labor is therapy.

The last one

50. Make the obituary in The Economist. That doesn’t necessarily mean a life of wealth, fame, or power. It just means that you were interesting.

This is the best item on the list and the one that sums it up. The obituaries in The Economist aren't reserved for the rich or famous. They're for people who lived interesting lives. Everything above is, in the end, a way of qualifying.

The short version

Get strong. Travel somewhere strange. Hire, fire and take a risk. Be the friend who says the hard thing and shows up for the hard day. Have kids, coach their team and take a trip with your dad. Then go cut down a tree.

Sources: John LeFevre, 50 Things Every Man Should Do Once, Medium, June 22, 2018; republished on The Graze, March 14, 2023.